the perfect man, marriage, and choosing the one

Published January 12, 2011 by jasmilenka

I’ve been thinking of relationship lately. Simply because it seems that everyone around me is either hooking up, broke up, engaged, or even… married. It seems that it’s so easy for them to find the perfect man, or the perfect girl. If things doesn’t work out, then let it be. Is that the essence of being young? You give it a try, you fail or succeed, either way, it will not be the end of the way for you. There will be a new path opens up, and you can choose either to take it or stick to the old one. The old one will not remains the same for things always change, but at least it’s less risky and more familiar.

Marriage. Urgh. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a family girl at heart and although I also have a clear vision of what my life would be, career included, but still I want to have a nice family in the future, with a loving husband and two, or maybe three adorable children. I would really love a girl, but since I can’t control my womb no matter how hard I try, I don’t mind boys too.

It’s just that marriage. It’s such a serious thing, it’s scary. I mean one person for the rest of your life? How if that person turns out to be boring, masochist, sexist, or pervert? They say that you will not know a person until you start to live with them. I know several people choose to live together before marriage, and I think it’s brilliant and bold for the sake of the idea, but since it will never be an option for me, well it lives only as an idea, period.

Some people know for sure, even at such a young age. Romeo n Juliet did. Or they were foolish enough because infatuation made them blind. They were young, they had raging hormones. But in the real world, hundreds of couple married at young age, early 20’s and they stay true until their dying breath. Awesome, isn’t it? Of course there were hundreds of other couple who ended up as arch-enemy or probably a frenemies, but hey, we can’t have all that we want.

I saw some couple just glided easily from dating to engagement to marriage, some struggles. Some involves temporary separation, until a baby arrives unexpectedly, or they realize they prefer to fight with the other person than to make love with anybody else. *jeger.

I wonder which one will I be.

I have, of course, a perfect couple as my role model. They are not Brangelina, or Princess Diana n Prince Charles (what??) but they are perfect in their own way. They are my mother and father. Their story is always make me want to laugh and cry at the same time. They are worlds apart, and my father is the black sheep that no one takes seriously, while my mom is the princess of the goodie-two-shoes whom everyone loves and cherished. But my father pursue my mother with so much perseverance, snatched her from the previous BF (a guy that is so super nice, and can be a good father for me and my siblings of course) and ended up married. People were guessing as how long this inter-world marriage would survive, but it does until now, 23 long glorious years later. There were hard times, there is hard time and there will be as much I hate it, but somehow my parents manages it so well. There were fights and tears, and although my parents have tried to keep it from me and my siblings, naturally we knew. It terrified me, but it gives me hope. To actually find someone who loves me enough to try to stay, through everything, either it’s bad economy, career, fatal disease, accidents, death.

I will not tolerate infidelity. right now, I’d rather have my arms cut and smash to pieces than endure a playboy husband.

I wonder how my own marriage will be. My dream, of course start with a perfect wedding. I think it will be a big lie if a girl claims to never have dream about her wedding and the perfection she imagines. I have mine. I also have a big picture about the honeymoon I would want in the future. N of course, the life afterward. The joy of choosing wallpaper or first set of china, or maybe baby names, or cooking your husband’s dinner. It sounds silly, but when combine together, it could make up for the harder times that is sure to come.

Back to the topic of choosing a perfect man. How do you choose ‘the one’? Should he be funny, smart, talented, smooth, romantic, a hard worker, perhaps a healthy dose of mysterious edge, the one that intrigue instead of hurting you, and maybe come from suitable family? Suitable as in well-educated, well-behaved, well-connected or even have some good old money, because like it or not, environment does shape you, a lot. Of course, a bunch of high achievers, open-minded and fun circle of friends wouldn’t hurt either. They say how do you choose your friends show your true self. Makes me wonder if you have a close knitted friends that are all ass holes, what is that make you? haha.

How about loving a person the way they are? Choosing perfection and the latter, it sounds a bit contradictory for me. How come you are sure that no one is better? Yes you can look, but how far you will go to pursue your own happiness? One’s happiness is as free as others’, is it not?

I think everyone wants to be happy. Even people who do arranged marriage. I once read that people, basically, would never want to be alone. So, even if you are alone and happy, at some point, wouldn’t it be horrible if you look into a mirror and the reflection looks back is a lined, old face with deep sadden eyes, full of regret and loneliness? It could happen, which is why, people do match-making for their friends, some even like clock-work. maybe one thing more awful than that is to be with someone who is constantly making you feel degraded and inferior. But at the beginning, the promise of youth and the bright future might cloud that misery long enough to lure someone into arranged marriage, or a hasty one. But after they faded, the youth and the physical attractiveness has gone, people have added weight and grow some lines, what will happen?

I know I am being a bit close minded and judging here, but I just can’t wrapped my head around the idea of arranged marriage.

Anyway, again, people wants to be happy. One simple goal, but various complicated ways to go there.

Probably in choosing the one, that is still the same goal. Heck, that is the goal.I think and I do hope that people in the beginning, won’t settle for something less. I hope that at the beginning, people genuinely think that they already get the best they can muster. I hope that when my time comes, I will not sitting nervously before the ceremony, chewing on my nails and smear my make up because I am nervous and wonder if I have make the right choice; whether my parent’s or my friends’ choice is the right one. I want to be blissfully happy and can’t wait to be married, and of course, I’d hope the same from my spouse. I don’t want marriage of convenience. Still I wonder if there’s any marriage of convenience that last long. Eventually, love or contempt will come, and that marriage wouldn’t be so convenient anymore.

Anyway… in the end, I think people don’t have various reasons behind how they are choosing the one. But they do have different standard. Standard that is influenced by education, environment, life style, friends, families, and so on. Some people won’t settle for other than perfect match. Some will be willing to accept slow burning fire that will not explode, but will always be there, giving subtle and stable warm. Some opted for a firework-kind-of-fire that will start magnificently but will burn out as fast.

People don’t like to be alone. I think when you lie next to somebody that will listen, comfort, or correct you whenever you need them, or ready to give you a simple but much needed hug, or to do your tie when you can’t do it properly, who will make time to find your favorite pair of old shoe or jumper; those are signs of that much sought and discussed love. It comes in different ways. But I think love is like a beauty; people rarely describe it properly, but the kind that will be recognized when people see one.


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