you might as well be dead to me

Published November 3, 2011 by jasmilenka

if only i can say that.

my life has been changing a lot these past few months. For a few blissful weeks, I’ve work in this dream place of mine, the MDAE. I’ve moved to Jakarta and had a rental room of my own, made some new friends, renewed some old acquaintances and spent a lot of money, pulled by the only entertainment this city has to offer, capitalist happiness.

I’ve work with he-who-must-not-be-named and it’s a mixed experiences, full of happiness, jealousy, boredom and excitement. He’s left of course, and actually this day is his third week. It’s been hard for a first few days but I’m coping. I’m stronger than I thought, although I feel at times, empty.Usually that happens when I’ve nothing better to do or accidentally someone mentioned his name or I see it plastered in a magazine or newspaper. His name is very common, so it happens quite often. At those times, I smiled ruefully and banish the sadness that is sure to follow.

I saw his picture today with his family, and there was nothing remarkable about it. They’re not fancy family, unlike mine the regular ones, so they do not wear costumes or custom-made clothes. They donned black shirts and that’s basically it. I guess the bottoms must be jeans or other humble type of garments. But as usual, he stood out for my opinion. He looks kind but powerful in the picture, and have this look he sometimes bestow upon me, make me miss him even more. It’s not excruciating, but it is my constant companion. I hope he’s in a good condition there. I couldn’t bear to have him any less than that.

one thing about him, i really wanna met his okaasama, although as a stranger bump in onto another. I want to see her, the woman that he loves and esteems more than everyone else, and have shaped him into a person he is now.

on the less personal side, I’m on the final league of Jakarta Post’s selection process. I’m not sure if I’m gonna get in, although it will be hurtful not to, I want to get it and have this chance of being a great journalist I’m aspire to be.

but then, it might open another door, and all I”ve to do is to look for it.

I’m also a LO to SEA Games 26th now, but the uncertainty of the events is shocking, considering the height of the event. I will write about it later, the intensity of it is too much for one post.

but seriously, sometimes I just wanna shake the committee so hard their teeth will rattled, and ask “Really????”



2 comments on “you might as well be dead to me

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