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Marrying your bestfriend

Published May 21, 2011 by jasmilenka

The title looks so beautiful isn’t it?

Who wouldn’t want that?

A person who is converse-able. It’s like finding a complete package. Someone who is not only reliable and strong, mature and smart, and love you like a husband should be, but also someone that you can share your fears and silliness with, someone to make you laugh and to listen, someone who shares your liking and is able to appreciate it, someone who always got your back, someone who will tell you that your butt looks big in THAT MUST HAVE ITEM OF THE SEASON, someone that you can call in the middle of the night without having to be afraid of being reproached, someone who will tell you that ‘yes, you’re stupid, but I love you and I will be there for you to pick the pieces up’.

While husband is more ceremonious, isn’t it?

I know you are not supposed to be depended to one person, but if that’s your husband or wife, well, you might as well be depended on him or her, since you will spend the rest of your life together anyway, if you are lucky.

yes, we are not supposed to look for perfection, but it’s only something desirable 🙂

I want to bestfriend-ed a traveler and I want to marry my bestfriend!!

Life-long ambition.

I love to travel.

And i want to have a life with a huge color spectrum to define it. If you’re traveling with someone who knows you inside and out, wouldn’t it be perfect?

I have a silly little dream.

I am dreaming that someday, maybe on the morning of a long weekend, I will wake up and then snuggle up to a person next to me. I will give him a morning kiss and he will open his eyes, grunts a bit, and then lie still for a couple of minutes while wrapping his hands around me.

Then suddenly, an idea of spontaneous road trip will occur to us.

We will take a quick shower and grab our travel bag, always packed and ready, loaded with all the essentials you’ll need for a short trip, and then we’re gonna ride our car, just the two of us.

We might go to the mountain or a strange city or a beach. We might arrive very late and then got that stare from the concierge ‘are you crazy-this is long weekend-of course we are fully booked-no we dont have a room for you’ but we wouldnt care. we might fall asleep in the car, or perhaps ended up in a small privately owned hostel somewhere. it could be a small hut owned by local people or  beautiful bungalow, but it’s fine, we love the thrill of a journey.

After quick refreshment or maybe a good night sleep, we will venture around the place for the whole day, perhaps on foot or bike, and then, go out for a very nice dinner before tumbling onto our bed.

the next day, another long drive and go back to the comfort of our home, but refreshed and happy after the trip.

Well, the trip might not be perfect. Maybe we’ll get sun-burned, or runs out of money or the car broke down.

but that have the possibility of becoming the most memorable events on the whole trip, so let’s play along shall we??

Mix-blood, “blasteran”, disadvantages of being ‘bule’

Published May 6, 2011 by jasmilenka

WARNING, THIS ARTICLE BELOW COULD CAUSE SOME UNPLEASANT FEELINGS. It doesn’t try to judge or generalize, merely an observation of an individual who spend a lot of her time watching people.

I live in Indonesia. Here, being a mix-blood is a great thing.

why?

Because it gives you a physical look that is considered as ‘marvelous’. As the culture in Indonesia identifies good look as being white, then blasteran people or people with mix-blood is considered as always pretty or handsome.

And life is always more friendly towards good-looking people. more advantages? Well, you can always apply to production-houses and soon your face will be displayed in commercial and soap-operas. Don’t worry about your acting ability, most actors star in soap-operas have non-existent acting ability, and they thrive anyway, earning money, popularity, and thoroughly forgetting about quality. -_-”

Mix-blood also being identified with have lots of money, according to the fact that one of their parents is “bule” and usually it earns you a major salary. So, good-looking, famous, and wealthy, who rejects that kind of life?

Currently I’m writing about life of mix-bloods, and hey, their life aren’t that great after all. The case is being a mix-blood in Netherlands, and your veins are infused with Arabian blood.

In Indonesia, “bule” or “caucasian” is the superior race, so mingle with them and you will get good prejudices. In Netherlands, since phobia towards Islam and its extensions are building steeper every day, it is not pleasant to have a different physical look among all the “white people”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am no hater towards caucasian people. I don’t have any prejudice towards them, and I would love to try to live in Europe one day, simply because of the experiences that I can get. I admire some of their values and would love to get them infused into mine. I don’t regard them as perfect, as I don’t to my own culture.

And of course, I am a major admirer of Europe–of its history, culture, food, people, architecture. I also love to travel by plane, and Europe has several best airports in the world, and some of loveliest cities.

Back to the topic.

i love the term of citizen of the world and i would really love to be one, someday. I want to make the world as my home, although I also do not desire to lose my heritage and confuse of who I am as a person. Therefore, I am grateful that I can always call myself as Indonesian and know where I will always feel belong to–Indonesia.

But in Netherlands, immigrants, even second and third, who was born, raise, work in Netherlands, even only speak the Dutch language, can be confuse of who they are.

Some are very comfortable of being people of two worlds, and can call themselves “I am a Dutch”; “I am a Moroccan” ; “I am a Turkish” but some don’t have that advantage. In Netherlands, people are either autochtoon or insider, and alotochtoon or  outsider. There’re no term for mix-blood people, like “Chinese-American” or “African-American”. You have to choose, period.

But how can you choose, some people do not desire that obligation of have to choose, and even if you want to, how?

You live in two different worlds, and when you feel that you are Dutch, because you, for example, only speak the language, your physical looks will always betray you, because you aren’t “white”.

Not only the matter of choosing who you are, but it also the matter of where your home is. Yes, there are conditions and rhetorical conditions where you will feel at home with the people you love the most, but one will need a place where you can feel the safest, right?

some people don’t have that privilege, to have a country to call ‘home’.

some people don’t have that, one thing that many people take for granted.

how you can feel at home, when you will always be seen as something ‘different’? Mind you, that different doesn’t mean negative, but the feeling of “we” and “them” is always there, unspoken, hanging in the air.

Moreover, some people also being treated differently, and by this, negatively. Immigrant is often seen and called as ‘guest-workers’ and even though they’ve lived in host country all their lives, a lot of local people still see them as allochtoon.

how you can make a home in a place where you are continuously being asked, “why don’t you go back to your home country?” or “when you will go back?”

Over the years, I’ve seen the people with mix-bloods are lucky people, because they have dual citizenship, good-looks, and two cultures and two countries to call home. Their life seems more exciting to me.

But after some time of research, I realize that there is balance in this world. What they have doesn’t come without a cost.

I may not be as good-looking as they are, or wealthy, or lucky.

People might not see me with awe, but at least I can say confidently, “I am Indonesian.”

I will always have a place where I feel belong.

I can go incognito.

I don’t stand-out like a peacock.

I have a home.

wonderful! 🙂

Unfair act of God or…?

Published January 14, 2011 by jasmilenka

My holiday is coming to an end. I don’t have any complaints though, because I’ve had marvelous time and to be honest, it’s started to get boring, and of course, my financial condition is a bit short too. With all those trips, mall-scouting(s) and eating out, it’s not surprising. But hey, it’s a holiday anyway… 🙂

I’m currently staying at my cousin’s house, and got a lovely chance yesterday to have a real talk with two of my seniors in my family, the only two, I should add, since I’m the eldest in girl’s lineage. We talk about boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, ex’s, and inevitably, God.

It started with a bit reminiscence about free will discussion, about how mankind think himself as a God, when he thinks he can do anything he likes. That’s why sometime someone fails, because he’s stepping out of his boundary. But for my opinion, no offense to anyone, we always have to try push our boundary. Nothing is wrong with that. I know human have tried to be God-like throughout the century, even in the Bible itself  ‘know not that ye are God?’ since it’s said that human was created in God’s image. It’s also have been repeatedly said in Isaac Newton works, Sumerian Tablet, and many more in thousands of years of human history.

I personally think it’s a bit arrogant. It’s said in many books, but since human wrote it, there are rooms for mistake, always have been. I mean human can interpret one thing to be a thousand other things. I don’t think that in human history, ever, or maybe with the exception of the holiest, our prophets, there’s a publication that base on purity without the touch of someone’s interest, however slightest.

God, in here, probably can be interpret as the ‘smart one’. The one that created things, the one that always push themselves beyond boundary, the one that can have whatever he wants, even in the cost of others, but of course with consequences. The one that questions thing. But not necessarily the one that invincible. Human is a fragile little thing. We might have the strongest mind and our will power can make us do extraordinary things, but even the slightest change in nature can affect us  greatly. We are able to manipulate things, to create artificial rain and predict storm, but not make an artificial storm or change the climate as we please.

Back to the topic. It’s about fate. It’s said that our life, our fate has been written by God. That every single little thing in our life has been predetermined. If our life is one straight path, every single pebble inside, every bits of dust have been placed. We can’t change them, unless we pray, unless we hope. Of course we can try to change it, we can push ourselves, but the thing is everything has been predetermined before. I, for one, can’t believe it.

why? Because it sounds so unfair. If that’s true, then someone is born with the fate of being loser, or murderer, or corrupter, while some others are born with the fate of successful entrepreneur, or doctor, or a great lawyer. How God determine which one is what? Reincarnation is still questioned and not a fact universally accepted, so I can’t guess that the selection process based on that.

If that’s true, then someone has to work twice as hard to become a successful person, had he ‘destined’ to be a loser. While others, if ‘destined’ to be a successful person, doesn’t have to do anything.

For me it sounds like we don’t want to work hard. It’s as if that we don’t want to take responsibility of our actions, because ‘all have been written before’.I also think, being God, the predestined fate must have some power. That’s being said, it means that God is pushing some ‘bad-predestined’ people toward evil. That sounds so unfair.

As for me, I think that God has written some of the definite things, like our birth date and when our life’s gonna be taken from us. Even for the latter, I’ve read that even that could be changed, based on our actions in life. We may not be totally free, but human is a free being. We can do whatever we like, provide it’s done in the space God has given to us. I am not talking about religion or norm, but more to physical capability we are born with. Like as much as we want, reading someone’s mind is a bit impossible, and we can’t go dive to the deep sea trench if we are not properly equipped. I think human is being treated like an adult. God doesn’t have to spoon things up to our mouth. When things happen, it’s not that God can’t change or prevent it–how come, since He knows all of our thoughts–but choose not to, since we all gonna be judged sometimes. And it needs to be fair.

As for fate, I choose to believe that my fate has not been written. Everything is undetermined, and so, whatever I achieve or do, it can be held accountable to me. If I fail, that’s because of my mistake, not because God make me. If God choose to not granted me the things I want, it’s probably because it’s not the best thing for me.If I fail, I want to believe that’s because the condition isn’t right at the moment, not because it’s written so.

I want and need to believe that if I made a mistake, at least that will be mine, not someone else’s.

I see life as a chain of reaction. Every turn, mistake, good things we do, they are all gonna create a new chain of actions. Every choice is gonna take us to a new intersection. We will learn new things as we grow up.

What’s life but endless chains of overlapping things right?

 

the perfect man, marriage, and choosing the one

Published January 12, 2011 by jasmilenka

I’ve been thinking of relationship lately. Simply because it seems that everyone around me is either hooking up, broke up, engaged, or even… married. It seems that it’s so easy for them to find the perfect man, or the perfect girl. If things doesn’t work out, then let it be. Is that the essence of being young? You give it a try, you fail or succeed, either way, it will not be the end of the way for you. There will be a new path opens up, and you can choose either to take it or stick to the old one. The old one will not remains the same for things always change, but at least it’s less risky and more familiar.

Marriage. Urgh. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a family girl at heart and although I also have a clear vision of what my life would be, career included, but still I want to have a nice family in the future, with a loving husband and two, or maybe three adorable children. I would really love a girl, but since I can’t control my womb no matter how hard I try, I don’t mind boys too.

It’s just that marriage. It’s such a serious thing, it’s scary. I mean one person for the rest of your life? How if that person turns out to be boring, masochist, sexist, or pervert? They say that you will not know a person until you start to live with them. I know several people choose to live together before marriage, and I think it’s brilliant and bold for the sake of the idea, but since it will never be an option for me, well it lives only as an idea, period.

Some people know for sure, even at such a young age. Romeo n Juliet did. Or they were foolish enough because infatuation made them blind. They were young, they had raging hormones. But in the real world, hundreds of couple married at young age, early 20’s and they stay true until their dying breath. Awesome, isn’t it? Of course there were hundreds of other couple who ended up as arch-enemy or probably a frenemies, but hey, we can’t have all that we want.

I saw some couple just glided easily from dating to engagement to marriage, some struggles. Some involves temporary separation, until a baby arrives unexpectedly, or they realize they prefer to fight with the other person than to make love with anybody else. *jeger.

I wonder which one will I be.

I have, of course, a perfect couple as my role model. They are not Brangelina, or Princess Diana n Prince Charles (what??) but they are perfect in their own way. They are my mother and father. Their story is always make me want to laugh and cry at the same time. They are worlds apart, and my father is the black sheep that no one takes seriously, while my mom is the princess of the goodie-two-shoes whom everyone loves and cherished. But my father pursue my mother with so much perseverance, snatched her from the previous BF (a guy that is so super nice, and can be a good father for me and my siblings of course) and ended up married. People were guessing as how long this inter-world marriage would survive, but it does until now, 23 long glorious years later. There were hard times, there is hard time and there will be as much I hate it, but somehow my parents manages it so well. There were fights and tears, and although my parents have tried to keep it from me and my siblings, naturally we knew. It terrified me, but it gives me hope. To actually find someone who loves me enough to try to stay, through everything, either it’s bad economy, career, fatal disease, accidents, death.

I will not tolerate infidelity. right now, I’d rather have my arms cut and smash to pieces than endure a playboy husband.

I wonder how my own marriage will be. My dream, of course start with a perfect wedding. I think it will be a big lie if a girl claims to never have dream about her wedding and the perfection she imagines. I have mine. I also have a big picture about the honeymoon I would want in the future. N of course, the life afterward. The joy of choosing wallpaper or first set of china, or maybe baby names, or cooking your husband’s dinner. It sounds silly, but when combine together, it could make up for the harder times that is sure to come.

Back to the topic of choosing a perfect man. How do you choose ‘the one’? Should he be funny, smart, talented, smooth, romantic, a hard worker, perhaps a healthy dose of mysterious edge, the one that intrigue instead of hurting you, and maybe come from suitable family? Suitable as in well-educated, well-behaved, well-connected or even have some good old money, because like it or not, environment does shape you, a lot. Of course, a bunch of high achievers, open-minded and fun circle of friends wouldn’t hurt either. They say how do you choose your friends show your true self. Makes me wonder if you have a close knitted friends that are all ass holes, what is that make you? haha.

How about loving a person the way they are? Choosing perfection and the latter, it sounds a bit contradictory for me. How come you are sure that no one is better? Yes you can look, but how far you will go to pursue your own happiness? One’s happiness is as free as others’, is it not?

I think everyone wants to be happy. Even people who do arranged marriage. I once read that people, basically, would never want to be alone. So, even if you are alone and happy, at some point, wouldn’t it be horrible if you look into a mirror and the reflection looks back is a lined, old face with deep sadden eyes, full of regret and loneliness? It could happen, which is why, people do match-making for their friends, some even like clock-work. maybe one thing more awful than that is to be with someone who is constantly making you feel degraded and inferior. But at the beginning, the promise of youth and the bright future might cloud that misery long enough to lure someone into arranged marriage, or a hasty one. But after they faded, the youth and the physical attractiveness has gone, people have added weight and grow some lines, what will happen?

I know I am being a bit close minded and judging here, but I just can’t wrapped my head around the idea of arranged marriage.

Anyway, again, people wants to be happy. One simple goal, but various complicated ways to go there.

Probably in choosing the one, that is still the same goal. Heck, that is the goal.I think and I do hope that people in the beginning, won’t settle for something less. I hope that at the beginning, people genuinely think that they already get the best they can muster. I hope that when my time comes, I will not sitting nervously before the ceremony, chewing on my nails and smear my make up because I am nervous and wonder if I have make the right choice; whether my parent’s or my friends’ choice is the right one. I want to be blissfully happy and can’t wait to be married, and of course, I’d hope the same from my spouse. I don’t want marriage of convenience. Still I wonder if there’s any marriage of convenience that last long. Eventually, love or contempt will come, and that marriage wouldn’t be so convenient anymore.

Anyway… in the end, I think people don’t have various reasons behind how they are choosing the one. But they do have different standard. Standard that is influenced by education, environment, life style, friends, families, and so on. Some people won’t settle for other than perfect match. Some will be willing to accept slow burning fire that will not explode, but will always be there, giving subtle and stable warm. Some opted for a firework-kind-of-fire that will start magnificently but will burn out as fast.

People don’t like to be alone. I think when you lie next to somebody that will listen, comfort, or correct you whenever you need them, or ready to give you a simple but much needed hug, or to do your tie when you can’t do it properly, who will make time to find your favorite pair of old shoe or jumper; those are signs of that much sought and discussed love. It comes in different ways. But I think love is like a beauty; people rarely describe it properly, but the kind that will be recognized when people see one.

true to yourself

Published November 28, 2010 by jasmilenka

I am a proud person. As Mr. Darcy in Pride  & Prejudice said, it’s okay to be proud as long as it doesn’t hamper you to function properly. Being proud and being excessively vain and blinded by it is two different things.

I believe that a person has to be independent and free to do whatever she or he wants to do. That’s why I am open minded. But how long you can stay true to yourself? How far you can push yourself to be as what you are, how do you define ‘you’? How do you know that ‘you’ is truly what you really are, not someone that is made by society’s expectation, or what your boyfriend or parents want you to be?

How do you define true?

Is it being stubborn no matter what?

Is it shaping yourself to what other people’s want?

Well, sometimes I ask rhetorical question or something that requires a long discussion to answer it.

I dont know.

:))

A matter of truth

Published November 9, 2010 by jasmilenka

Today have been quite a day and it’s not over yet.

Today, it’s not only that the rain had pour so hard and constant that I could not do anything, but I also clashed to something that can be quite sensitive for some people and black and white for other. It’s about loyalty. It’s about trust. It’s about honesty. Or simply, you could call it ‘cheating’ or a more glamorous term ‘affair’?

Why people cheat? How do you define the line between cheating and friendship? How do you deal with it? What’s  the effect of cheating on people for you and for others? For your spouse? For your friends? I don’t know whether I can answer it or not, it’s just something that came across my mind.

Why people cheat? Because of boredom? Because of the availability of ready and waiting chances? Because of weakness? or maybe because of choices? Or simply the mix of all the factors, combine together with the right actor, and you got yourself a cheater? Do people actually need to cheat once in a while? Because being together with the same person could be boring. And yet, no everybody’s willing to do that, so it must not be a general need. Or maybe it’s only for a handful of people? When boredom comes, you need to exert yourself and make it exciting again. Or simply acceptable. That’s something that society universally acknowledged. Stay loyal, honor the trust you’ve been given or treaty that you have ratified.But I wonder, if cheating is something that will be considered as normal for society, will people do it? If cheating is okay, not shun by the society or maybe can be call ‘makruh’? Will people do that? What stop someone to cheat? Love? Conscience? Heart? Integrity? Or maybe it’s simply because of system? If you can put yourself out of system entirely, either it’s because you are utterly ignorant, you do not believe in it and have your own stance, or you simply don’t care would someone do it simply because they can?

Is it heart over logical mind or vice versa?

When you choose the first one, are you doomed and have to be shunned?

If you let your heart guided you entirely, then how wrong someone can be?

Or it could be simplified as stupid?

System does have a pretty strong grip on human.

A  person can’t live without system and society entirely, but when someone can be independent enough, and the society wants him or her and will adjust to her or his peculiar behavior and choices, how strong social control that finally left?

How strong an active act of cheating can do to you? If that’s someone that you are looking up to, you might turn into one. If that’s someone who you are feeling responsible of, you will feel wretched. If that’s someone you love, it might turn you into a cynic, a person who does not believe in love, or in some cases, hurt you so bad you just turn the light off forever so you will not feel that kind of pain anymore?

When a person wants to be selfish for happiness, sometimes it means that whatever it takes.

But when you do it on top of other people’s pain, can you still call that happiness?

then again, does it help to justify when nobody knows about it but you and your partner?

when you do not need to justify to anybody, what would happened?

because cheating, if not being done in marriage ties, does it punishable by law?

international and domestic law? religious law?

when you are not in marriage ties, does the one thing that will punish you and give you eternal burden is norm? So when you decide that you no longer care about it, does that make the act of cheating more doable?

how far you can put yourself on top of others?

when you do that, to push your own happiness beyond everything else, what’s that make you?

Animal? Savages?

does the norm that makes us human?

or our ability to think, take action, and take responsibilities for it?

“I think, therefore I’m exist?”

what is this? Modern? Too much on the rational side, no feelings or consideration for others?

I’m a regular girl. But thank God I have access to people with extraordinary mind that doesn’t mind me digging the truth.

I am open minded. As long as an opinion have a sound reason behind it, I always resort not to be judgmental.

Does that make me a spineless person?

A person with no personality or strong stance?

People may say what they want, but if you strong enough, you can put your own happiness in your own hand.

can you?

Weird thoughts and finally have the time to write my post

Published August 26, 2010 by jasmilenka

It seems that my post title have explained what will I write in this blog post pretty well. I’m quite busy these days, and I meant to write so many times, but  also got distracted in numerous occasions. Today I made the time, because if not, I think my head will bursting with ideas.

I’m not a genius. But recently, I made a promise to myself to keep my brain active. Today i kept that promise. I studied hard at class, I went to library to read newspapers, bunch of them, checked out a book, and my professor actually said he liked me being so critical, and he wanted to tag me along if he has any projects. I’m hungry to find an intellectual partner. Not that the people I hang around with are not smart, they are very keen and interesting, and yet,

I’m hungry to find someone with different set of mind who will teach me and share my thoughts and interests, treating me like equal and yet, I would still have respect for that person, because it would be impossible to act otherwise.

I’m currently looking for such an individual. Sure, I had one for some period of time, but people are moving on and making progress. Or something happened and suddenly your soul mate turned into somebody you can’t stand to be around with, and you would want nothing but seeing that person just disappear forever.

I think I’m a girl who wants everything. I want successful career, but also a loving husband and kids. I want an intellectual partner but also someone to share my silliness and stupidity, someone to teach and guide me, but also someone that will let himself being depended on me.

Ah, but it seems that I have wandered too far.

Just recently, I checked out a book called “Reader for  Developing Writer” or something like that. This book fascinates me. I did not realize that writing could be so complicated. But I’m a casual writer, always have been. I want to take my writing to another level, so I hope this book, constant practice, and a writing class would help me. I just want to get busy. I also want to improve myself so bad, lately I feel so stagnant and boring and for God’s sake, I’m only 20.

So my thoughts are always wandering. Suddenly one day, after a meeting with my friend, I got an idea about how to do classification on personality of my friend and acquaintance, just people I know.

so here it goes,,

as you know fashion is my passion, so I will just make it as simple as differentiating clothes.

here it goes :

A. Chanel suits or Armani Jeans : They are staple, kind of personality you would want to hang around with, they will intimidate you because they are timeless, but they will somehow make yourself look better by either intimidating you or inspire you or just challenge you to be better. They will not blend easily but not unwelcome.

B. Vintage clothes paired with 2nd hand army boots : They are unique, people  with this personality live carelessly and yet everyone are buzzing around them, and they almost always get everything they want. Not everyone can look good in it.

c. Something on trend, like flowery shorts or puffy cardigan : This personality changes rapidly as trend demand them to be, they could be comfortable or rigid, but they are quite forgettable, they are eye-catching and people will remember them, if not only for the facts that they are a dime a dozen.

d. Distressed jeans and plain t’shirt : This type will struggle but what directions can they go are undetermined. They can be very successful and they can also be pathetic and insignificant, but they will blend smoothly everywhere, buzzing with life and modesty, yet they also able to be timeless.

E. Black robe and platform shoes : they are unique and very eye catching, one will not be able to resist the temptation to notice them. They have their sad stories and will likely keep it to themselves, and yet then can be happier than what day people would.

F. Ill-fitted vintage clothes with buttons and ribbons and God know what else : This is like a clothes who have been altered endlessly, you dont know what the original form is look like. This type of personality struggled to be accepted, and yet no matter what they do, they will always look ill-fitted with too much drama on the side.

G. Dark wash jeans, checked shirt, or light wash with a graphic tee and a neat jacket: this kind of personality is average, they will not get you any attention you are not into, but it has subtle elegance and adequate confidence, just enough to get you through the day. People can respect and love this type, people may get crazy over them, they can be smart, but not in the i-will-change-the-world kind of way.

hm, hm… 🙂